Christian counselling is so unique because it relies on different factors such as:

1) Your personality 2) The Holy Spirit 3) Your Spiritual Growth 4) Prayer 5) The Bible

So how do we as Christians become the best counsellors possible?

Well spending time with God is the most important! Allowing the Holy Spirit to speak through you and to guide you.  Reading your Bible, Praying and of course being patient and understanding.

But there are also qualities that we can improve on to help us out:

1)True Empathy - Putting ourselves in the person we are counsellings shoes.

2)Unconditional Love - If you truly love them they will more easily open up and be honest.

3) Being Genuine - Be real! Be honest and straight forward.  It is never a good idea to tell them what you think will make them feel better rather than the truth!

4) Spiritual Sensitivity - Learn to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit.

5)Pray - This is so important!

6)Be humble - Do not become proud and make yourself more important than you are!

7) Listen - I mean REALLY listen!  Don't just hear LISTEN!

Be careful of the things that become detremental to your counselling ministry.  Things like:

1) The need to be wanted - Feeling like people need you, they dont' ever need you they need GOD!

2) Wanting to be in Control - It is not about you it's about God let His Spririt move!

3) Thinking that you know everything - Sometimes we really don't have an answer, all we can do is pray!

4) Gossip - Never be tempted to speak about a session - they are confidential.

Talking about confidentiality.  There are some things where you do NEED to tell:

1) Suicide - According to the law you NEED to tell someone parents/doctor

2) Homicide - Someone who is seriously wanting to kill someone.  Tell the police and the person who's life is at risk.

3) Abuse - You HAVE to let child line know!

Never make promises that you can not keep.  With these things especially you can not promise that you will never tell anyone.  There are times when you need to!

Always try to give as many options to the person as you can!  Think it through!

Faults that a counsellor often makes:

1) Being Goal orientated - Making the goal more important than the person!

2) Label - Never place labels on people.

3) Judgemental - It is not for you to judge - Leave that to god!

4) Advice - Never be quick to give advice rather listen and pray.

5) Emotionally involved - Never let your emotions get in the way!

6) Impatient - Do not lose your patient with someone.

7) One Sided - Remember there are always two sides to a story, most of the time you only hear the one side!

Unfortunately counsellors are also human and we tend to feel vulnerable.  Be careful of the following:

1) Counter- Transferance - Transfering your problems onto the person you are counselling.

2) Burnout - Pushing too hard too fast and burning out! These things take tiem!

3) Manipulation - Trying to manipulate someone to do something or the other way around the person trying to manipulate you.

Be aware of people who just want your full attention all the time.  Also be aware of people who develop a crush on you and only want to see you for that reson.  And always cover yourself when counselling the opposite sex.  Never be in a room alone with the door closed!! If you can rather counsell the same sex as you and have someone else to refer the other sex to who is the same sex as them.

A good counsellor is a good listener. Learn to:

1) Look at the person who is speaking

2) Pay attention

3) Don't interrupt

4) Be sensitive

5) Never rush the speaker

6) Ask appropriate questions

7) Control your emotions and reactions

8) Don't have a hidden agenda

9) Try to understand the person

10) Allow the person to make the decision

11) Keep them calm

Non-Verbal Communication:

1) Sit opposite the person and look at them

2) Keep an open posture

3) Lean slightly forward

4) Keep eye contact

5) Relax

Verbal Communication:

1) Empathy - Most people try not to talk about emotions.  Learn how to feel what they say.

2) Reflect - Paraphrase: Make a short summery of what they say. Look at the facts. Repeat to them what they said to make sure that you understand.  Try to bring it all together.

Things Not to do:

1)Order or give out commands - "You Will do this"

2) Warn or threaten people

3) Give Solutions - Get them to come up with their own solutions.

4) Minimizing - Making them feel like their problem is nothing.

5) Judging - Never Judge!

6) Making it about you - Try not to make it about yourself or your personal life.

Ask many open questions like Who? How? Where? When? Then What?

Ask about their personal oppinion.

Ask for specific opinions.

Look at ways to solve the problem/giving them options.

Paralinguistic Communication:

1) Never react - Be careful of your emotions and facial expressions as well as your body language. Don't let your personla feelings/opinions get in the way.

2) Anger - Never show any signs of anger.  Always keep your voice low and steady.

3) Show Interest - People can pick up when you are really not interrested.